A Strange Journey

Anticipation is a wonderful word.

A year ago today I was finally recovered enough from the heart transplant to begin cardiac rehabilitation at a gym in the hospital.

A month later I realized that this particular, very tightly controlled gym (only 45 minutes of cardio allowed) wasn’t the right place for me and my new heart. We both reeeeally wanted to stretch our legs. So I began taking dance lessons with the incredible Helen Heaslip.

In January I joined a gym and did my first 5k.

In May, I sang and danced my way through my first post-transplant musical, “Mamma Mia.”

I am still struggling with the effects of the heart transplant: the cognitive issues I’m dealing with as a result of lack of oxygen pre- and during transplant. These affect my focus and concentration (which makes it incredibly difficult and horribly frustrating to remember lines, choreography and stage directions). The anxiety and depression that comes from both the anti-rejection meds I must take and from dealing with the crushing emotional trauma of all I went through to go from end-stage heart failure to where I am now.

But, I’m here now.

I lived.

And I’m so grateful.

Tonight is the opening night of “The Rocky Horror Show” (the musical)! I am onstage once again at Bainbridge Performing Arts. I don’t dance much in this one, but I sing in almost every song, and in my role as The Narrator I run up and down stairs all evening, popping into that gorgeous spotlight in various spots on the set throughout this show. I used to have to take a break in order to breathe halfway up the stairs. Now I’m disappointed that I’m not dancing more!

In the past two years I’ve worked hard to live in the now. To enjoy the present, as it’s all we really have. I can’t dwell on the past, I can’t worry about the future, and I musn’t allow myself to worry that my brain will malfunction in the middle of the performance tonight.

So I am here in the NOW, right this moment! I’m about to apply my stage makeup, I plan to have fun tonight and to give the audience exactly what they came for: laughter and joy and raucousness.

I encourage you to do the same.

Oh, and of course, come see The Rocky Horror Show at BPA. Link to tickets at the media tab above.

I am trembling in antica……….PATION! Not just for tonight, but for what comes next.